Thoughts on Spilled Milk by Tante Grace

One fact that I have learned over the years is that between the ages of 1-3years old, and even through 5 years old, a meal is not over until at least one person spills their drink. ;)

It makes sense as drinking from an open cup is literally a science experiment. The weight of the cup changes as a child drinks from it; the balancing point to drink the milk and not spill on oneself changes with each sip, and the ability to gauge where to put the cup and remember where the cup is sitting while the child is eating are all hard things for young children.

...drinking from an open cup is literally a science experiment.

Let’s try a thought experiment so that we can better understand what the child is experiencing. Think of it this way: imagine your favorite drink inside a large gallon size (clean) paint can. Now as you sit at a table that you can just barely sit correctly at, take a drink from the can. On a side note the steps involved to even get to the table and get all situated correctly are numerous. But, back to the paint can.

Now put it down on the table. From the angle of your seat at the table you cannot see into the can. The next sip you go to take a drink but you can’t see inside the can to see how much is left. This might not appear to be such a problem for the first few sips. You are gradually building a rhythm and are starting to become relaxed with the whole drinking process. Just then a friend or even family member pulls your attention away from eating and drinking to talk to you about a topic you enjoy. After a few minutes you go to take another sip out of the can you can’t see in. Unexpectedly the can is almost full again and you take too quick of a drink and spill all over yourself. How could this happen? Are you an idiot? How incompetent you must feel!

The truth is that while you were busy talking to your friend, another friend (out of thoughtfulness) saw that your cup was empty and decided to fill it for you without disturbing your conversation with the other friend. Your expectations and prediction of what the cup had in it were met with the reality of what was in the cup. You are not an idiot or stupid or even incompetent. You are a scientist who just completed an unsuccessful experiment, or was successfully proved wrong in your presumption. And just like any other scientist you have another opportunity to try again with the next cup of your drink, or at the next mealtime.

As we look back to the children in our lives, it is true that not all spills are that innocent. Some spills are done out of spite, or to challenge authority, or to even display displeasure at the drink choice. As parents, extended family members, teachers, and caretakers I hope to add a bit of understanding to a deeply complex skill called drinking from an open cup. As adults, we often only see the devastation that spilled milk/water/juice brings. We see the huge mess on the child, the table, the floor, not to mention the cost of purchasing more milk/juice/water, paper towels, and laundry are often overwhelmed. It is very frustrating to continually prepare for the coming storm that the child brings as he drinks from an open cup.

As parents, extended family members, teachers, and caretakers I hope to add a bit of understanding to a deeply complex skill called drinking from an open cup.

To be honest there is no magic one-size-fits-all approach to teaching children how to drink from an open cup. It is a unique experience to us all. I also cannot comment on how best to solve your frustrations and grievances at the whole episode. As a Christian, I would say to forgive as God forgave you, and to give your cares and complaints to Him. I have found that taking a deep breath before responding to a mess is a big help. As a teacher, I can say that the episodes of spilled milk teaches children skills in fine motor development, spatial awareness, conservation, social-emotional development, and inter-personal development. We can look at Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development for ways to help us.

1. Give the child the same amount of liquid in the cup every time.

2. Model what drinking from an open cup looks like.

3. Talk to the child as they are drinking from the cup.

4. Give the child a heads up when the cup is moved or refilled.

Children learn all the time. The end of the experiment is just as important as the experiment itself. How you react to spilled milk teaches your child how to react to spilled milk and other messes. Do you have the patience to explain what happened to the child? Does the child learn responsibility (age-appropriate) by helping clean up the mess? Does the child learn to let others clean up after them? Does the child learn to come to you when they have a problem, or to stay away from an angry outburst over little mistakes? Can the child trust you with their problems?

What an amazing feat when a child goes an entire meal without spilling!